I need soap
to wash you off
she tells him,when he infact isn't even there and she's mistaken
the vacuum in this room cough
one time too loud
for his presence
I need an honest version of love to wash you off
Whatever you have stained my skin with
what strange chemicals ever you have imprinted it with cause I
do not recognize my scent I do not recognize myself anymore
and how will this life
take me back
in this state?
I need a brush to scrub you off
she says
to remove the first layer of my skin
the only one you made it through
the rest is still safe safe kept safe
she whispers and wonders why her
tongue aches
like it always hurts somehow when it just isn't true
It's like trying to squeeze yourself into much too tiny shoes it
won't work regardless of how well they might go with what you wear today
she stares today at herself in a way that makes the dust creep off the shelves and
hide
I need some liquid that is more pure than water
to wash you out of my hair
and the molecules that got stuck in it
as your hands ran through it
It shouldn't hurt me to be free
she says
and the words freeze two seconds later right upon her sleeve
with which she tried to wipe them off
It hurts me to be free
she repeats
this war on independence
was fought with the guns tied to our hands
and when we tried to embrace
we chased
bullets into each others heart but I
didn't know how could I have known how could I
she whispers
I've comitted
a bloodless murder
to all that we've been
to all that we could have become
I killed the images of us
lying next to each other in a newborn sun
in the very moment that they spun around in his eyes
I need to wash this off
all these images these visions these dreams of what
we could have been that he
plastered onto me
she says and then reads
de-love yourself in ten easy steps
remove your heart carefully and let it slip
into a plastic bag and then wrap
your body into the last bedsheet that you two were spread upon
throw both
into the river.
ten easy steps to de-love yourself.
that line still on her lips
she wonders why she only got
to step three.
and floats
and floats
and floats
next to her heart.



nova